I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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