I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
