You're so nebulous sometimes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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