I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
