Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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