So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
