We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
