oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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