i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
are you so shy because you have an std?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
