I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
