he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
