She's JV to your varsity
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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