I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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