Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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