She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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