There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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