They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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