Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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