just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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