Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
did i just pee glitter
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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