he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
