is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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