Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
