youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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