No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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