dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
