You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
