I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The beer is more important than you right now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He? As in you personified your dick?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
