Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK WHALES
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
