____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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