The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
