I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My life is pants optional.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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