About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
