everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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