i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
