the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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