you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
