How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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