i barfeds in our rink
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
