I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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