I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
