just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
