dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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