just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
