he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
