I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
