I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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