No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
