It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
