the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
