happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
