And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
