Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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