Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
we're so committed to being not committed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
