I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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